I enjoy being a girl

Damn. Whenever I have no logical explanation for wanting to shovel food in my face, it's PMS. Because when I'm PMSing, I have no logic. I seem to be unable to tell myself to STOP EATING during those illogical times. Spock would never understand. So why did I eat slightly uncontrollably on Sunday night? And kind of a little bit Tuesday night? Cuz...I'm bleeding like a stuck pig on Wednesday morning. [That's me, Kathy Davis, queen of the delicate delivery.] As I age, and as I float my way through perimenopause (that's when you're not fully menopausal, but just leading up to it), my periods keep changing. My cycles have been very strange since having my right ovary taken out 3 years ago too. For a while I was bleeding at the end of the month. Then in the middle. Now it's in the beginning. At least I'm having a monthy cycle and not skipping any months. JAYSUS, am I one of those women who blog about their periods? I guess I am in this case as it has causal effect on my eating. OY, does it ever. Having awareness of it this morning gave me a moment of clarity and relief. YAY! I'm bleeding. YAY! That's why I have the Hand To Mouth Disease! [That's my affectionate nickname for a binge]. It's gonna keep happening every month until my other ovary completely dries up, so for now I'll just try to be hyper aware of the pattern in hopes of breaking it.

I don't own a scale, and only weigh myself when I'm at a Weight Watchers meeting. I usually go on Saturday mornings, and have been pretty diligent about it throughout the summer. These past 2 weekends, I've stayed away and haven't felt like scrambling to a meeting during the week. Excuses, yes, I have been busy busy, but there are 20 meetings a week or so and surely I'd have been able to find time to get to one of them. Just didn't feel like facing the music, good bad or ugly. That said, I'm left to cope with the feeling that I'm free-falling in my weight loss efforts. Without the measure of the scale, I feel a little untethered. I have learned not to use the scale as my ONLY measure of success-sure, I recognize that when I exercise I feel better, my clothes are still fitting fine. But right now, I have a goal. I want to weigh 199 pounds. I want to, for the first time in 20 some years, weigh under 200 pounds. In January, I wanted it to be by June. In June, I wanted to do it by my birthday. Currently, I want to do it by the time tour starts in September. I'm not certain that's realistic. I'm not sure I know what it's going to take over and above the desire to want to do it. Should I stop using my Flexpoints? Should I stop trading exercise activity points for food points? Should I switch to the Core plan where I just eat from a specific list of food and don't journal? These are all things I've considered. I've been treading water for 3 years fer cry eye!. I know slow and sure wins the race, and I'm to be commended for keeping my weight off and not gaining it back. But I'm TIRED of treading water. The sharks are circling, it's time to get busy. I'll head to the scale on Saturday, menstrual weight gain or no, and let the meeting topic help me judge.

I'm SO inspired by my visit with Kathleen over the weekend. She's undergoing her own personal desire for health changes, and having direct support and feedback from someone who's been there is gonna be incredible! We'll cheer each other on.

Alright. Off to put the rest of the stuff back under the kitchen sink. Miracle Man from the exterminator company we hired came and sprayed indoors and out yesterday...THE ANTS ARE GONE! I came home today antless and cat-poop free!!! It's a turning point!